Creeps McLane

Not for the easily offended:

the flu 2019 timeline

1230 pm yesterday: running to the bathroom (What the hell did I eat?)

1245 & 100: running to the bathroom. Now I know what it is. I texted the wife right away. Stay away, I have the flu

get home from work around 130, more toilet time and I decided I needed a shower before I crawl in bed for the rest of the day.  Cant do it, the shower made me dizzy. I retreated back to bed in just my skibbies until I realized i was freezing. 
 

330: theres a knife in my stomach. Any attempts at standing result in a 30 second timer until eruption. Now the walls have been breached and its a balancing act between sharing toilet time with my head and my southern region. Gallons, freaking gallons of pure clear water are pouring out of me. 
 

540: same as 330 but now i dont have anything else to give. Dry heaving is the new norm however I still managed to splash over the oversized chip bowl and onto my arm. 
 

7:00: calming down, i think I actually slept for a bit there. Sips of water are actually staying down. Puking has stopped

1:00 am: my body has nothing left to give up. Its been 17 hours since ive eaten.

9:00 today: like nothing ever happened. I feel great. I smell like shit but I feel great. Still haven’t eaten, its been 25 hours but my God do I feel so much better!